The Art of Saying ‘No’ Smoothly People like to belong and so saying ‘yes’, an act of association, is easier than saying ‘no’. Anxiety stems from the risk of being separated from the group and rejected. The problem must be solved on two fronts – in thoughts and actions, that is, the external conflict (“How do I implement a solution so that the problem is solved without giving rise to other problems?” another issue?’) and internal conflict (created when external conflict goes on for too long). One has to struggle with technique and mindset. Internal Conflict The world teaches us, through its many prohibitions, not to stand out. It’s a bug in the system if a person stands out in the herd, making them an easy target. It is easier to reprimand a person for returning to compliance through fear. However, standing out also means standing apart, starting something new. From Copernicus to Columbus, saying ‘no’ was the mantra that freed humanity from its limitations. You begin to define yourself and lay the foundation for a unique personality by getting comfortable saying no. External ConflictWith an effective technique, reduce the misunderstandings that arise when saying ‘no’.1. They feel unheard. Look them in the eye, smile with compassion, and blurt out and say the words ‘I hear you’ before you decline a suggestion or disagree with an idea.2. They feel like you always say ‘no’ and feel offended. This feeling often comes from fear of rejection and separation. Here, a kind smile followed by the words ‘I hear you’ works wonders. Find out the real motive behind their proposal. Acknowledge the emotional part of their proposal to make them feel that their actions are understood for what they really mean. Pro Tip- Acknowledge their suggestions, to the extent that you can, making them feel heard, understood, and appreciated.3. They feel as though your saying no is a dead end if you end the discussion with it, leading them to distance themselves from you. Follow up your no with a counter-proposal to change from reject to rebuild. The perfect ‘not’ includes these pointers. For example: “Hey guys, I know how much fun we’ll have when we go out drinking. However, I will avoid partying for the next few weeks. Is it okay if we plan something lighter – like coffee or lunch instead? CONTRIBUTED BY: Prakhar Gupta, YouTuber and Author
