I went to school and she was one of my best friends. We all often go out together and everyone in our small group will always tell me that she has a special place for me. I always laughed at it but then they will show how she will repeat the same things as me and have the same gestures as me. I was young and what started as a careless observation, turned into irritability. I tried to avoid her and began to spend more time with my other friends. They continued to tease me in front of her and she seemed to like it, which made me uncomfortable. She is often the jokes in our classroom – from long skirts, hair is not cared for, to an inappropriate ribbon length, our classmates always find the reason to bully her. . And that was mostly the time I stood next to her, and tried to comfort her. I couldn’t endure others bullying her but I would lie if I said I never did it in our small circle. One day in our biological laboratory, we all were busy gathering saliva in our test tubes to check saliva. She is struggling and even comes to me. I remember she was uncomfortable. We were assigned Herculean’s mission to fill half of the saliva test tube, which even I was struggling. I deceived her aside, because our laboratory assistant was a strict person and I was trying to focus on the mission. When half of the classroom finished, I suddenly saw people laugh. I looked in the direction and realized that they were smiling at my friend – her test tube full of bloody mucus. And she trembled, but tried to seem to be collected. I want to protect her in that moment but I was also a bit attracted. And shortly after that, a friend of mine walked to her, empty her test tube and poured half of her saliva into the test tube. After that, she motioned for her to go ahead with the experiment. I could not face her all day after our lab class. She might feel ashamed I was seen to her but I committed a terrible crime because I didn’t stand by her. After school, we still kept in touch through my university years, in fact she tried to keep in touch. And then one day while we were chatting in the school’s WhatsApp group, one of the girls who came up with the topic of her unkindly hair and the ugly ribbon. And not responding to the message, she left the group. It brings strange memories and instinctively called her. She was sad and like I was comforting her, she told me, you know my whole family suffered anxiety. I used medicine from school days but I could never tell anyone. I don’t like it when people try to bully me and tease me. My whole life fought this battle. I was surprised. I am her best friend, but I can never make her feel safe enough to talk to me about her problems. Surprisingly, she thanked me for always standing beside her, which made me feel more guilty. I want to take this opportunity to apologize to my friend and also tell people that people face mental health disorders are people who suffer silently. They often do not talk about it because of discrimination but trying to be sensitive to people and the situation, lest you live with a sense of guilt that refuses to die. – Kalpana Sharma
