Are you struggling with your relationship with money? Maybe you worry too much about money management or feel like you don’t deserve the money you earn. But if you think about it, it might be difficult to figure out why you have a troubled relationship with money. Gaurav Deka, Trauma Resolution Expert and Psychotherapist, shares that our negative thoughts about money can stem from trauma, or more simply, negative experiences. Extreme childhood.Dr. Deka explains that we do not have a transactional relationship with money. Instead, we have an emotional relationship. This is because “when we grow up as children, money becomes part of our emotional landscape long before our rational brains begin to function. So we end up having a more emotional relationship with money.” This is why we begin to associate emotions such as happiness, sadness, guilt, fear, anger, grief, and shame with money. Here are some examples of how this emotional attachment complicates our view of money. Feeling guilty about moneyDr. Deka shares that for those who feel guilty asking for the money they deserve, the root of the guilt may lie in their childhood experiences. For example, when a child is repeatedly told “you don’t deserve this”, “you don’t deserve that”, “you need to do more to get this”. If the child accepts and believes these words, they may grow up as adults and feel guilty when they are given something or even when they have to. ask for something they truly deserve.Read more: Brain exercises: Yoga poses can improve your ability to concentrateFear of money Feelings of fear about money – such as the feeling that you may no longer have any money if you spend everything you have right now – can also originate in childhood. This can come from observing your family members like grandparents or the behavior of parents who always say or display a “scarcity mindset,” in which they always appear that they don’t have enough and will never have enough, even if they have a lot of money now. Furthermore, a scarcity mindset is genetic – meaning you can inherit it from your parents.Read more: Human or dog? The image you see first reveals your true personalityHow can I solve these problems with money? To address these disruptive and negative experiences with money, Dr. Deka shares two important questions to ask:1. Find out what emotions you have about your money. “You have to determine what the worst thing that can happen to you money-wise is,” he explains. Write down that feeling – whether it’s guilt, anger, fear – whatever it is.2. In my life, from whom have I learned this? “Whether it’s your grandpa, grandma, mom, dad, sibling… once you realize who you picked this idea from,” you’ll be able to realize that in the first place, most of the feelings your money is not even yours.”
